"Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Keep Your Arms and Legs In At All Times...

and Enjoy Your Ride on Emotional Roller Coaster of Motherhood"! I swear, nobody can ever prepare you for the ups and downs of being a parent. I mean, people tell you that the labour is really painful (and it is) but at least you have the option of having an epidural (I highly recommend one). But what I think people really don't prepare you for (or can't really) is the craziness that envelops your life once you bring the baby home. Sure the "Bringing Home Baby" show on TLC is entertaining to watch, but it doesn't realistically portray what life will be like (or at least what our lives have been like)! Sometimes I feel like the first 36 hours are were a breeze (although I didn't know that then) compared to what Marvin and I are dealing with these days... I mean, Maja was eating every 3 or 4 hours and then sleeping solidly between feeds. These days she's still eating every 3 or 4 hours but her sleeping definitely leaves something to be desired (although we had a good night the other night, since then we've returned to waking up every hour and a half or so)!

Last night was officially the night I cracked. I don't know if other moms are just not sharing the bad stuff with people or if they really are doing well all the time, but doing well all the time isn't the case for me. If other moms are just pretending that things are going well, I really wish they'd open up and share the bad stuff. I really think it would help other moms feel better about themselves. I really don't know why new moms feel the need to make other new moms feel bad. Don't they know that we're all in this together? That we're all (or at least most of us) experiencing the same things? Doesn't misery love company? I would honestly respect a new mom that said she was having a really hard time with things more than a new mom that said she and the baby are doing "just splendidly and adapting just wonderfully thank you". Why are new moms so competitive? I just think being honest about how hard it is would make the person talking about it feel better and would also make the other new moms feel better too. It would be so nice to know that others are finding it as difficult as I am and that I'm not alone.

Anyhow, enough about trying to change the world. Back to Maja's Midadventures... last night Maja got up every hour and a half (she didn't sleep too well the night before either) throughout the entire night. And around 4:30am I have to confess, I crawled back into bed after feeding her and just started to sob. I am constantly trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. Poor Marvin... he was sick all day yesterday, likely from food poisoning (yes... from my under cooking some chicken balls the night before), and is completely exhausted (even more than me I imagine) and there I am bawling beside him wanting to talk about things in the middle of the night! Bless his heart, he rolled over and chatted with me for over an hour (which of course just left us with 30 minutes before Maja woke up again). Then, I proceeded to cry again at least three times today. My eyes are so dry and sting so bad... I pray that tonight is at least a little bit better than last night so I can get a bit of rest. Like I said, I think last night caused me to crack. :( But never fear, Marvin is feeling better today and has been wonderful. He's basically taken care of Maja all day for me. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful husband!

So, in a desperate attempt to get some sleep at night I'm reviewing my days with Maja trying to figure out what I need to change to make things "click". There are so many books out there with conflicting advice, you really start to lose your confidence. Should I start her on formula at night (seems to be a popular choice and works for a lot of babies)? Should I hold her more during the day (or will I just end up creating a child who won't or can't sleep in her crib when she's older)? Should I start feeding her every two hours on the hour during the day in the hopes of stuffing her so full of food that she won't be able to wake up at night (kind of like a carb-overload)? Should I just continue along the path I'm on and patiently wait for the day to come when it starts to work? I just don't know... I don't know what to do. I have tried so many things I'm exhausted. I've tried rocking her to sleep hoping she'll be in such a deep sleep she won't wake up until the morning. I've tried turning on the lullabies at night continuously. I've tried turning off the lullabies. I've tried sleeping with the Monkey so that he smells like me and let her cuddle it at night. I've tried turning on the fan so that there is some white noise. I've tried feeding her right before she goes to bed. I've tried not feeding her right before she goes to bed. I've tried putting on a hat and thin mittens. I've tried taking off the hat and mittens. But thanks to a wonderful and comforting chat I had with Marvin earlier tonight (and some cute smiles from Maja), I've decided to continue along my current path and hope things click sooner or later.

Anyhow... thanks for listening to me vent my frustrations... as a reward, here are some cute photos from the past couple of days! :)

Here's Maja trying on a new winter hat (the really soft pink one Sara gave us is getting a bit small)...
Here is Maja trying to eat the burp cloth (maybe I should have fed her longer)...
And here is Maja learning to eat the "Friday Nights with Teta" specialty, Pasta Shuta...